Bridge over troubled Water
by Sarah9488
Summary: First CCfic. Settled after Season 2 finale. Lilly has to deal with the things that happened in 'The Woods' and probably needs some help. LS. Please review! 11th chapter on!
1. Chapter 1: Tragedy

**_Bridge over troubled Water_**

**Author: **8-Sarah-8

**Spoilers:** The Woods, perhaps some other of Season 1 and 2, but I'm not good in those episodes names.

**Pairing:** Lil/Scotty

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately, I don't own anything of it except the story itself.

**Summary:** Settled after the Woods. Lilly isn't able to forget things that happened.

**A/N: **First Cold case fanfiction. My English isn't the best, but I hope you'll be able to understand the things I want to say. If not, please let me know. Please R&R

* * *

**Chapter One: Tragedy**

_When the feeling's gone and you can't go on,  
It's tragedy. When the morning cries and you don't know why,  
It's hard to bear. With no one to love you, you're goin' nowhere._  
_(Bee Gees)_

Lilly Rush opened her eyes in pain. Her blanket lay on the floor and even the girls have left her bed. Her hair was wet as if she had had a shower a second ago.

She has dreamt of him. Every night she has to go through this nightmare again. She had killed him, but he was with her every night and every day.

She left her bed yawning and headed to the bathroom. A shower would help her. Perhaps she could get some sleep afterwards.

When Lil arrived she took a look at the mirror. She looked exhausted because of the lack of sleep she got during the last weeks; tears were all over her face. She didn't know what to do, she was not able to talk to anyone, she didn't even know whom she could talk to, there was no-one who really liked her after Kite had broken up with her. Okay, the guys at homicide department took care of her, but she couldn't stand their staring and caring any longer, she needed love, a holding hand that helps her out of her darkness. Could Scotty understand her feelings? Certainly not.

Her thoughts went to the mirror again.

Suddenly she saw a shadow behind her. She turned around to face it, but there wasn't anything. When she turned to the mirror once more she saw _him._

"George, please let me live again! Go away!" she screamed and kneeled down.

"Please let me alone. I don't want this anymore. I need sleep. You got all you wanted. I told you what happened when I was little. I'm not the same anymore. You have killed me either. Do you call this life! I'm weak because of you! I can't protect myself any longer."

She was crying and sobbing like a baby, weak as she has never been before. It was so hard to build the walls again and it was even harder to open the door to her thoughts to someone.

* * *

Lilly woke up when the sun reached her through the little window. She didn't know where she was at first, but the memories of the last night came back to her mind. She sighed as she tried to stand up. Her neck was aching. Why wasn't she able to have a brake down in her bed instead of the bathroom? That was so typical her. She always took the harder way. 

She looked at her clock. 7.24. She was too late. Dammit. It was too late to take a shower, which she really needed for looking awful and tired.

After putting on some make up and feeding Olivia and Tripod Lil left her apartment and headed to the department. On the way she stopped at Starbucks. She was too tired and she really didn't appreciate the idea of falling asleep at work. They would feel even more pity for her and she wasn't sure if she could bear more sympathy, therefore she had to drink a lot of coffee that day. Perhaps she would buy some medicine for better sleep that evening.


	2. Chapter 2: Streets of Philadelphia

**A/N:** Thanks for your nice reviews. That keeps me writing . I know that we don't know if Lilly was really abused, but I'm one of those people who think that she was, that's why I wrote this. I hope you can live with that. Enjoy the next chapter!

* * *

**Chapter Two: Streets of Philadelphia**

_I was bruised and battered I couldn't tell  
__what I felt  
__I was unrecognizable to myself  
__(Bruce Springsteen)_

When Lilly reached the department, Scotty was already waiting for her. At the moment she went in the office he nearly ran into her.

"Where have you been?" he asked with a bit anger.

She was two hours too late and he has waited for her all this time. They had to do paperwork those weeks for having no cold one at the moment and he couldn't stand to do it all alone because it was extremely boring. Okay, he had to confess that he was rather egoistic, but why couldn't she be a crumb more on time.

Scotty was too thoughtful to see how exhausted his partner looked at first time, therefore he spoke louder than usual and this wasn't really helpful for Lil's headache.

"God Scotty, I think you're old enough that you can handle two hours without a babysitter." she said with rage.  
"Calm down, Lil. I haven't meant it like that. I'm not the cause for some PMS problems of a special girl."  
"Shut up. You have no idea what is going on."  
"Shut up yourself."

For the reason that they were really loud they didn't noticed that Stillman stood behind them.

"Valens, Rush! Where do you think you are?" he was yelling at them.  
"When you stop acting like two year-old kids you can visit my office. You have a job to do."

Both of them stopped talking immediately and looked embarrassed. Lilly was the first who got her voice back.

"Sorry Boss. Do you mean we got a case?"  
He nodded seriously. "If you two are peaceful and act like adults again."

The three of them headed to Stillman's office, in which a young girl of twelve and her mother, Lilly thought she was in her mid-forties, waited for them. Stillman introduced their visitors as Alice Collins and her granddaughter Gwen. The blonde detective gave the elder woman her hand and introduced herself smiling.

"I'm Detective Rush and this is Detective Valens. Can I help you?"  
"Hmm, I think so. I want you to open my daughter Hope's case. She was killed in 1993." said Mrs Collins.  
"If you don't mind, can you tell us what happened to your daughter?" asked Lilly carefully.  
"Hope was 13 when she was killed. Gwen lost her mother at the age of one. Can you imagine this? She was an orphan at the age of one.  
"I have sent her to the supermarket. She had to buy some milk and bread at the supermarket. Oh, I'm such a bad mother. They found Hope in the woods. She was, you know, abused and strangled to death after that."

Lil shuddered as she heard the woman's words: _the woods_. She was nearly killed in there, either. The memories of the last night came back to her mind. George would never leave her, wouldn't he? The man who abused her when she was twelve never left her, neither. She was a wrack. She felt that this case would be very intimate to her own past.  
Suddenly she felt a hand at her back.

Scotty was really shocked when he had seen how pale Lil looked this morning. She was pale all the time, but not that pale and when this woman had mentioned the woods… he knew that Lil still had to suffer because of the events some time ago, but she neither wanted to talk about it nor wanted to show emotions. He knew that she didn't want to seem weak.

Lilly normally didn't like this kind of help because it showed that she was weak and also because it was kind of close, but this time she was really glad that Scotty comforted her with his wonderful warm and loving hand. She had nearly lost her balance and it felt a lot easier this way. Because of that she smiled thankfully at her partner and whispered a slight "Thanks". Scotty nodded unobtrusively and ended their interview.

"We try to solve your daughter's case, but I've got one question left: Why do you want us to solve your daughter's case now?"  
"Because Gwen becomes 13 this year, Hope's age when she died and I wanna know if Gwen is in danger as well."

* * *

Lil was abnormally quiet when they read Hope Collins' cold one. Scotty was bothering himself as a result of her behaviour. Why couldn't he talk to her? He knew that she suffered, that she suffered. This case was really the wrong at the moment. Why hasn't this woman come a year earlier? That would have made the whole object easier. A gasp of Lil interrupted Scotty's thinking. 

"What's wrong, Lil?" asked he.  
"Hope had a solved 49 report. Why hasn't her mother told us?" answered his partner.

Now, Scotty knew why Lil has caught her breath. He hasn't forgotten the first time they had met George and what he had said: Lil also had a 49 report, an unsolved 49 report. He had never talked to her about it because he was familiar with her as well to know that she didn't want to talk about it if she didn't start to talk about this subject, even if he can't stand to see her in pain, even if he can't stand not knowing what was going on with her.

"I think it has something to do with Gwen. I thought from the beginning that something was wrong with that girl. I mean which girl becomes mother when she is twelve…"  
"…except one which was abused…"  
"And that means that she was abused twice."


	3. Chapter 3: Invisible touch

**A/N:** I'm trying to write a chapter a day, but they are really short because of that. I'm really sorry for this.

* * *

**Chapter Three: Invisible Touch**

_Now I know  
__She's got a built in ability  
__To touch everything she sees  
__And now it seems I'm falling, falling for her  
__(Genesis)_

Scotty was forced to take Hope Collins' 49 report. So he went to the room and searched for it. When he had found their victims file he wanted to go back to his partner's office and he had nearly left the room when he had a glance on an interesting file named Lillian Rush.

The file was magical attractive which was a reason for him to put Hope's file beside and to take Lil's unsolved one in his hands. He carefully touched the box as if he would hold a newborn.  
'Lil, what have they done to you?' he asked himself. His heart throbbed wildly.  
He really wanted to know what happened to this wonderful woman he was allowed to call his partner. She was just a little girl when they got her. She was the best that ever could've happened to him.  
She was his friend. She had helped him so often… voluntary. He wanted to help her, to comfort her as well.  
If he had only known what went on her mind…  
The answer was so near, he could open thebox and would know, understand it…

But she was his partner and friend. He had to accept her decision of not telling him about the report. She wouldn't like him to look through her file without her permission; therefore he decided to put the box on its right place again.

"Scotty…What are you doing?" A small, irritated and also frightened voice disturbed the silence of the room.  
"I was just…" Scotty tried to explain himself, but Lilly didn't let him.  
"… just reading some reports of people you know? Sorry, that I've bothered you. Shall I leave you alone with your curiosity?" she could barely leave her anger out of her voice.  
"Lil, I confess I thought of reading it, but I haven't done that. I wouldn't do it without…"  
"Have you ever thought of my feelings? Haven't you thought that this would injure me?"  
"Of course I have. God Lil, you're my partner. I care for you. You have changed, Lil. I just wanted to understand what is going on with you?"  
"Thanks. Valens. But I can solve my problems by myself. I don't need any help of Dr. Scott Valens!"  
"I don't think so. You have nearly collapsed when Mrs Collins used the words '_the woods_'. You're only a shadow of yourself since then."  
"Don't you think it's hard? But when I would need your help, I would ask you for it. Do you think I can ever trust you again? First this thing with Chris and now… this!  
"I just wanted to ask you if you want to have a drink with me because we're friends and it's pretty late, but under these circumstances! Sometimes I think I hate you."

With these words Lilly turned around and left Scotty Valens, her partner and former friend, alone.

* * *

Lilly couldn't believe what just has happened. She had thought he was her friend. What have he done? Why have he done this? Tears filled her eyes when she took her coat to leave the department. She really liked him this morning. She had felt this weird feeling when he had touched her in such an intimate way. It was so indescribable. She wasn't sure if she had ever felt so free and loved, but she also didn't know what this feeling was about.

Now she would go home and she really dreaded being alone. She had hoped that Scotty would have a drink with her. She wouldn't be alone than, but now… She would be alone the whole evening, which meant that she wouldn't be able to get sleep and, this was the worst, she could see _him_ again.  
Why haven't she had any private life? Why was she so lonely all the time?

She has left the building by this time and has put her coat on because it was pretty cold this evening. She could hear footsteps behind her as well as Scotty's voice that was calling her name. 'Ignore him!' said a little voice in her head, another one said that she wanted to turn around, after that fall in his arms and cry like a baby then.  
But she only listened to her headstrong voice. He deserved some punishment. She took a cab, but she wouldn't drive home, she would take some drinks tonight.

* * *

Lil set on a chair at the bar for half an hour now. She has had only a few drinks, but she was already drunk. She really appreciated this feeling because she hadn't any feelings now.

"Do you know that all men are bad? They only think of their selves." she said to the barmaid in front of her. "You think he's your friend, but than… they take advantage of you. Bad… Never trust anyone again! Never!"

Scotty has followed his partner. He didn't know if she would do something really worse and he really dreads that. He has followed her to a near pub. He had never been there before and he thought that Lil didn't know where she was, neither. He wanted to apologize for that awful situation, but she has run away when he had called her and he considered that she didn't knew he has followed her in that little, dark pub in which she had take a seat at the bar. He seated himself in a corner behind her, far enough that she didn't notice him, but near enough to see her. He bothered himself for what he has done to her. There was this beautiful woman - has he ever seen how beautiful she was before? – this woman with this awesome character that being with her was a privilege you have to be glad about, this woman with that talent that you have to love her because she makes you feel special, and he has disappointed her.

After a while he saw that she has fallen asleep. The barmaid in front of her looked quite confused therefore Scotty went to take his partner.

"I take her home." said he to the barmaid.  
"Do you know her?" asked the barmaid named Elaine.  
"I'm her partner." Scotty showed his and also Lil's identification card.  
Elaine smiled. "I don't think she'll be happy about that, but this certainly isn't the right place to get some sleep. Good luck."

Scotty took his partner and carried her to his car. She was so fragile. With every step he made he was frightened that he'd break her. She was like those porcelain dolls his mother used to have. When he had settled her in his car he drove her home. She slept all this time. Probably she didn't seem to notice that she was settled.  
When he reached her home, Scotty placed her on her bed, after searching her keys to open the door to her apartment.

"Good night, Lil. I'm so sorry, I really haven't read it, but I hope you'll trust me again coz I need you; you're the best friend I ever had." said he and kissed her on the forehead.

He sat down next to her, watched her sleeping and told her what he had done and why he has done that this evening. When he noticed he was tired himself he left her bedroom with the words "Sleep well". He fed her cats and left her apartment after that at 2.30am to go and get some sleep either.

As Lilly woke up the next morning she wondered how she came home and in her bed. For some reason she has slept well for the first time in weeks. She has dreamt of Scotty, he was sorry and had told her that he hadn't read her report and that he was worried of her. Why hadn't she stopped the evening before to let him explain? It has felt so well to have someone who was concerned about you, someone who needed you, really liked you. He has always been her friend; she should let him explain.  
She left her bed to get some aspirin. She supposed that she has had too many drinks last night.


	4. Chapter 4: Everything I do

**A/N: **givemecookies: I think she'd be mad at him for a while 'cause she was mad at him for quite a long time because of Chris and now she is mad at him for her own sake. But I don't know if I can stand her being mad at him so long…

* * *

**Chapter four: Everything I do**

_Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for  
__I can't help it there's nothin' I want more  
__Ya know it's true  
__Everything I do - I do it for you  
__(Brian Adams)_

Scotty and Lilly sat in her office and read Hope's 49 report. It has turned out that Hope's daughter Gwen was also the daughter of her boyfriend's brother.

"He had immediately confessed that he had abused her," said Scotty. "The case was closed in a day's time. Lucky men. We have all this work to do."

He tried to cheer Lil up, but she didn't talk to him as much, she didn't even yell at him, showed no emotions. Scotty thought he would become crazy.

"Lil, talk to me." He finally said.  
"We have an interview to do. Those two certainly are suspects. What is the boyfriend's brother's name?" she tried to avoid the subject.  
"Mike Green… but Lil we have to talk. We are partners. Do you want to be mad at me all the time?"  
"Perhaps and yes we are partners and as those we have work to do." said she as she took her coat on.

Scotty moaned and also took his coat on. Without any doubt, she didn't want to talk about it. His mood became really bad when he went to his car to drive her to their suspect.

* * *

Mike Green lived in a small village near Philadelphia, but the only word that could really describe that village was – ironically- green. All there was full of nature. In Lil's opinion this place was the best place to get married and to start a family. She noticed how lonely she really was when she saw a father who played soccer with his little son. All here was perfect, but it also was kind of dark as she thought of Mike, whom she frightened a bit especially when she thought about her own childhood and the role men took place in it. 

Lil hasn't noticedthat Scotty's car has stopped. She looked out of the window and was in bitter thoughts. Scotty just watched her. He couldn't stand that Lil was angry at him especially when he hasn't done anything. It was just not fair. There was this gorgeous girl in his car, but she didn't talk to him, she didn't even seem to like him. He wanted to be angry with her as well, but he couldn't. Actually, he'd love to kiss her. That'd be his chance; perhaps she wouldn't be mad with him anymore, when he'd just kiss those adorable lips, touch her blonde, soft looking hair. What was he thinking of? Kissing Lilly Rush would be his death. She would actually kill him if he would kiss her. Anyway, why did he think of kissing his partner? He had never had such thoughts before. Why now, at the moment she couldn't stand him? She has said that she would hate him. That wasn't exactly the best condition to kiss her! Indeed, she was really pretty, he had known this since the first time he had ever seen her; but was there more than just friendship?

Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by a hand that touched his shoulder. Her hand. Scotty turned round to see her smiling at him. A warm feeling spread to his body. She touched him and smiled at him. He was the luckiest man on earth. Perhaps she wasn't mad at him anymore after all she smiled at him… 'God Scotty, Calm down! She is just your partner. There's nothing more between us and there'll never be more. It's just a fancy; you don't love her! You're just irritated!', he said to himself.

"C'mon, Scotty. It's time. I want to go home soon." said she in a rather emotionless tone.

Scotty left his car, headed to Mike Green's house, Lilly at his feet and rang the bell. After a minute a rather small, blonde man with dark eyes opened the door. Scotty thought he looked a bit like a gnome.

"Mike Green?" asked Scotty.  
"That's me."  
"Detective Valens and Rush. We're from homicide department. We think you're able to tell us something about Hope Collins."  
"Not that bitch again. I was in jail for two years, that's enough…"  
"We want to know if you can tell us something about her murder." replied Lilly.  
"I suppose I can, honey. Come in."

Scotty hated the gnome by this time. The man flirted with his partner. He certainly was in a 'bad cop' mood. Who did this guy think he was?  
They went into a small living-room that didn't fit into the picture of the house from the outside. It was rather shabby and didn't look comfortable.

"Want some coffee?" asked the gnome.  
"Thanks, but no!" replied Scotty seriously.  
"I've asked the lady."  
"Sorry. Hope you don't mind that I've answered."  
"No." said Lil harshly.

Lil hated all those guys who thought they could influence her through a few compliments. She wasn't a Barbie and she wasn't weak. She didn't want Scotty to protect her from this guy neither. She didn't need help in this respect and in those she would need some no-one was there to guard her.

She watched the man sitting in a sofa while Scotty seated himself next to her. What did he want to show? That she was his and this Mike guy hasn't any chance to get her? Sometimes this was kind of effective, but she didn't want him to play her boyfriend. God, she didn't need him.

"Why have you raped your brother's girlfriend twelve years ago?" began Lil their interrogation.  
"That fucking bitch was so arrogant. She thought she was better than my brother and me. I wanted to show her that she's nothing."  
"Hope was twelve!" said Lil indignantly.  
"She wasn't twelve at all. She acted like she was sixteen. Her friends were all about sixteen and she wasn't a virgin anymore, so I wasn't the first one who got her, if ya know what I mean."  
Scotty sighed as Mike blinked at Lilly. "Have you known that she was pregnant?"  
"What has this to do with this topic?"  
"Because we're investigating her murder and if you had known, you could be her murderer."  
Mike became nervous and screamed: "I haven't killed her!"

Lil was scared at Mike's screaming and she nearly jumped in Scotty's lap. Be cool! She said to herself. Since that George-thing Lil dreaded every noise. She definitely needed some medicine! When Lilly became aware of the distance between Scotty and her, she blushed. That situation was so embarrassing. She tried to avoid Scotty as much as possible and now she was almost sitting on him. But as unpleasant the situation seemed to be it also had a positive effect.

"You two?" asked Mike who has calmed down again.  
Scotty nodded a bit when Lil pretended to smile happily about their relationship.  
"Oh…"  
"So, to come back to the topic… Have you known of Hope's pregnancy?" said Lil even more embarrassed as she noticed that she has really chosen Scotty to protect her.  
"No because I was imprisoned. That evening I had raped her was the last time I've seen her and as I've said: She wasn't a virgin anymore. She had fucked almost the entire high-school."

Lil looked at Scotty. In her opinion Mike couldn't help them anymore. Scotty seemed to think the same for getting up of their seat.

"That's all for now." said he and helped Lil up.

They went to the door where they were dismissed by Mike who said something like "If he doesn't satisfy you: I'm here, honey!" to the blonde detective. Scotty couldn't help grinning as he and Lil get in his car.

"And are you going to call the gnome, Lil?" he asked playfully, but she didn't even look at him.

Scotty just wanted to get her talking to him so he kept trying.

"I think we should try it…" he started.  
"What?" she asked.  
"Us! Aren't we a great couple? You and me, we're both definitely handsome. Weren't you flirting with me when you nearly jumped on me?"  
"Are you kiddin'? This definitely is the least that'll ever happen. I'll never date you."  
"Be cool, Lil. I was just teasing you."

Lil was mad at Scotty. She has been frightened and he thought he was attractive to her! He was nuts. That was what she talked herself into, but a little voice in her head said that he really was attractive to her, that she wanted nothing more than him next to her, that she enjoyed being with him and that there had been a strange, warm feeling when she had touched him that noontime or when had helped her up.

Scotty tried to smile when he made her and himself believe that he was just joking, but he really was hurt. Mainly, he was teasing her when he talked about a relationship, but something in him has hoped that she would say yes, but she really seemed to hate him. Was he so repulsive that dating him was so unbelievable to her? He had never thought that her answer would hurt him so deeply… He tried to make himself believe that his feelings were just a fancy, but he couldn't help feeling more than friendship for his partner…


	5. Chapter 5: Help

**Chapter six: Help**

_Help, I need somebody,  
__Help, not just anybody,  
__Help, you know I need someone, help.  
__(The Beatles)_

Both of them drove back in silence, they didn't even talk a word when they reached Stillman's office to meet Jeffries, Vera and Stillman himself there. The former have had a meeting with Hope's best friend Julia.

"What's up with you?" asked Vera when they entered without a word.  
"Nothing, just another freak we met." answered Scotty to leave the topic.  
"I hate people like that." said Lilly deeply.  
"As bad?" Jeffries asked incredulously.  
"Another one of the sort: 'wanting to merry the blonde cop'! I think Lil could have a fan club by this time. And he had nothing that could help us except that she hooked up with the whole high school. And you?" Scotty replied.  
Jeffries heard a tone of jealousy in Scotty's voice so he decided to answer his question. "She told us that Hope was going to meet her boyfriend the night she was murdered, but it wasn't the brother of Mike Green. She gave us a few names, but I'm not sure if these people exist. I suppose she was on drugs."  
"Only freaks on this case." claimed Nick.

Stillman decided that there was nothing they could do that evening, so he dismissed his people. Nick asked if they wanted to go to a pub, but Lilly had enough of pubs at the moment and Scotty hadn't the right mood.

* * *

When they have met the next morning Scotty and Lilly were supposed to meet the doctor who had discovered Hope's pregnancy twelve years ago. Therefore they were sitting in a waiting room at the moment, waiting for this Dr. Franklin to have time. Lilly hated doctors in general, all this smells. Every time she met a doctor she felt awful and ill, so she just closed her eyes and tried to tell herself that she wasn't there while Scotty chatted with a boy aged eight.

"Lillian is this you?" she heard someone asking and opened her eyes.  
"O Dr Franklin." Lilly left her seat and shake hands with the tall doctor, his face and his grey hair showed his age of about fifty-five, but the most striking feature of his face were the eyes of an amazing light blue, so blue that you always had to think that he knew all of you when he once looked at you. "I haven't thought that you were the one we have to question. How are you and Mrs Franklin?"  
"We are divorced…" he said. "…, but both of us are well. And how are you? Haven't thought that I meet my little, old patient Lillian Rush again. Oh sorry, it isn't Rush anymore, is it? How is Patrick?"  
Lilly shuddered; she hated the name Lillian and even more to be remembered of her former fiancée. "It is Rush. Patrick and I haven't married… someone was in the way."

Scotty has left as well and has waited for Lilly to introduce him, but she hasn't done, so he cleared his throat.

Lilly blushed; she had forgotten Scotty. "I'm sorry. Dr Franklin, this is my partner Scott Valens."  
Dr Franklin shook Scotty's hand. "Lillian, I'm sorry either because I've forgotten this stuff of Christina and Patrick, I suppose I become old." He paused. "So what can I do for you?"  
"We are reinvestigating the case of Hope Collins. We need some background information to her pregnancy."

Dr Franklin led them into an empty room to talk without curious mothers listening. Scotty was embarrassed for a moment because he was reminded of Christina which was still a hard topic between Lil and him.

"Hope was one of those cases you never forget, you know, like yours even though you were very different…"

Lilly prayed that Dr Franklin wouldn't start talking about her case when he looked at her and for god's sake he didn't start.

"… She was terrified when she came here because she supposed that she was pregnant. Her mother was very strict, but Mrs Collins thought that Hope was a little angel and the news of Hope's pregnancy broke her heart. In her opinion it was Hope's boyfriend Eddie's fault even though Eddie wasn't her boyfriend anymore…"  
"He wasn't?" asked Lilly.  
"No, she broke up with him after Mike raped her, but he isn't the father either…"  
"Why do you think this?" questioned Scotty.  
"She was raped in April and when she came to me it was August, that means four months and it was her eight week when I discovered her pregnancy so Gwen's father isn't Mike…"  
"Do you know Gwen's father?"  
"No, but she mentioned a guy namedFrank. He seemed to be a friend of Eddie's. Both of them were two or three years older than her."

* * *

"I think we should interrogate this Eddie Green, don't you?" asked Lilly when she sat down in Scotty's car.  
"Get the address." Answered he smiling and gave her his cell phone.

Lilly called the department and after several minutes she quitted the call with an expression on her face that was really dissatisfied.

"He isn't in town this month," said she.  
"Gee, we need him to go on with this stupid case… that means paperwork for another month," whispered Scotty in anger.  
"Perhaps we find some other useful information or another suspect…"

Scotty nodded disappointed and started the car when he saw a little map on the left that showed a little lake and a forest.

"Hey, the forest in which Hope was murdered is only five minutes away," he mentioned. "Let's visit the forest, I suppose it can inspire us and it's better than some stupid paper work!"

He watched the blonde detective nodding and turned his car left. As Scotty has said they arrived five minutes later at the forest. The two of them left the car and entered the unusual dark forest, but against all odds they found their way to the place where Hope was found without any problems because of crosses and 'In loving memory of Hope Collins' plates on those. They finally reached their destination at the lake within the forest. The scenery was kind of magical as if they'd visit some place in a fairytale. Lilly's first thought when she saw the place was weird because she thought that it was the most wonderful place for a little child to die. She was ashamed for that idea, but she couldn't help to see the little girl in a glass coffin like Snow white. It was Hope Collins' dark version of a fairytale.

Lilly saw that Scotty shook his head when he saw a statue of Hope. "Freaks," said he while Lilly headed to the little lake. She watched the reflections of some trees in the water. Scotty was thinking that it was a wonderful picture of her in front of some blossom trees of spring when a female scream got him back to reality. There was his blonde partner who fell back of the tree. With a few steps he reached her and pulled her by his chest.

"Lil, what've you seen?" he asked her.

She caught her breath. She has seen _him: _George. She has seen him in the water. Now, he came to see her even in daytime. She suffered for fear in her body that let her emotions, breath and heartbeat freeze.

Suddenly she felt Scotty's warm skin and realized that he had talked to her.

"Nothin'. I was just thinking and haven't seen the frog at my shoe who croaked without warning," replied she, forming a weak smile and free herself from him.  
"Are you sure?"

She nodded and mentioned that it was time to leave. Her knees were shaking and she wanted Scotty to forget the entire situation. Scotty didn't believe her, but there was nothing he could do as long as she wouldn't decide to tell him; therefore he had to leave her alone with her problems. It was certain that she didn't want him to know what happened.

* * *

**A/N** Thank you for all the nice reviews. Please let me know if they act too much ooc and review further. I hope I'll be able to write the next chapter sooner. 


	6. Chapter 6: Bring me to life

**A/N:** Sorry that this has taken so much time and that this Chapter is really short. But I guess I'll be able to write more the next weeks, therefore I hope you'll be able to forgive me. This cahpter has an abrupt ending because it's the first part of two. The second will follow tomorrow or least next sunday.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Six: Bring me to life**

_Without a soul  
__my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold  
__until you find it there and lead it back home  
__(Evanescence)_

* * *

Lilly has left the department early this evening. She wanted to head home, was longing for her bed. For the first time in weeks she really wanted to sleep. The former night she has been able to sleep and she hoped that she was able to sleep again without seeing him. She didn't believe her own hopes and thoughts, but a little thing in her mind still trusted in the good.

But this little thing in her mind was mistaken. She woke up. She woke up after only two hours sleep, sweated with fear and gasped. That definitely wasn't her idea of sleeping. Tripod looked at her desperately. The cat exactly knew what Lilly felt.

Was her wish of a quiet afternoon only of sleep to much? Was this her penalty for not observe Stillman and going to George Marks' house even though Stillman has said that she was not allowed to leave the department? Wasn't the night with George, the torture and the pain of remembering enough?

She felt tears in her eyes, but she didn't want to cry. Hasn't she always been brave? She wasn't herself at the moment, but she didn't want to be weak. She had to build up her walls again. Brick for brick. She swallowed her tears away again.

Lilly longed for a shower, but she knew whom she would see again. She needed some cold, but her fears defeated her wishes. Going to the bathroom to see him again was the last thing she wanted to do.

Instead she put her white dressing gown on and left her apartment.

It was cold outside and Lilly was freezing, but she didn't mind. She just wanted to free her mind of those thoughts that were not able to leave her psyche. Although the young detective was supposed to know that the streets of Philadelphia weren't the right place for a lonely woman, especially at night, she didn't remind herself of that subject.

Without thinking she headed to the river. Even when she was standing before the river and looking at it, she didn't make it the danger of a certain reflection. She watched the dark water which was so dark that she couldn't even see the ground, but for that she was able to see her reflection pretty clear. In first instance she was quite shocked of herself. She looked exhausted and awful. Had she seen any beauty in her appearance before, it definitely had gone. Of course, she was still pretty, but it wasn't the same, her eyes had lost this special twinkle, it was as though her soul had left her body.

After some minutes she became aware that she hasn't seen him, yet. She waited, but he still didn't appear. Would she be free in this river? Was this a sign?

Lilly walked a bit further and reached the bridge. The wind was blowing and she felt with all her senses. She felt free, really free. She hadn't felt like this for long. But even though she had the emotion that she felt all her senses, she lost them to some extent. She was in trance as though she was a kind of sleepwalker and the river had a great attraction to her.


	7. Chapter 7: Waiting for Love

**A/N:** Thanks for your reviews. As long as they are constructive you can xcritisize me because it's the way to learn and to make it better. This one isn't really longer as the first part, but I've published it rather fast after the other therefore you should be able to forgive me.**

* * *

**

**Chapter Seven: Waiting for Love**

_She looks to the stars  
__Breaking, time to follow the heart  
__Her world is falling apart  
__And the world is turning  
__A look on a shelf that is there to remain  
__Breaking the walls as shes tearing them down  
__As she is starting to drown  
__(Pink)_

* * *

Scotty has gone to the Tavern with the guys after the incident at the lake. He has tried to talk to them about Lilly without mentioning the incident, but they didn't want to talk to him about her because they had the opinion that Lilly wouldn't like them to, that she would come to them if she needed help, but Scotty didn't believe their words. The Lilly he knew would never ask for help, even if she was about losing all her senses.

When Scotty left the Tavern it was almost 1 o'clock. The night was quite clear – he was able to see a lot of stars – but also pretty cold, therefore he pulled his coat tighter before he maneuvered himself into his car.

Although he tried to think of another subject his mind always came back to her. She has looked so sick the last weeks and than this strange behavior at the lake that afternoon.  
He worried about her. Why was she so headstrong? Was it so hard to her to break her walls down, to talk to someone?

Suddenly his searchlights were reflected by something white. He drove somewhat slower instantly because he didn't trust his eyes, he saw something like an angel. A white cloth flew in the wind like wings as well as beautiful blonde hair. Also, he saw unusual pale legs that were sitting on the rail of the bridge he was heading to. The entire appearance of this angel like figure was breath taking and beautiful.

Not till this moment, he saw the danger of this situation. There was a woman sitting on a rail! Memories of a jumping Eliza came back to his mind; he remembered all the pain of the last months. Couldn't let the woman jump!

Scotty slowly left his car and tried to reach the woman with a few step without frightening her, but after only two steps he was shocked. The face, he was now able to see perfectly well, was not unknown on the contrary it was a face that he was not able to forget - especially when it smiled like it did now.

After his first shock he made quick steps, he stood as near that he could hold on to her if she jumped, but she didn't noticed this closeness.

"Lil, what are you doing?" asked he with a calm voice, but showed no reaction.  
"Lilly, what makes you smile like this?" He tried again while going a step further so that he almost touched her, didn't want to due to his fear of frighten her. He could see tears in her eyes something he had seldom seen before.

Scotty didn't know what George had done to her in the attic, but her seen that she had cried something for that he wanted to kill George in a very cruel way. He'd like to kill everyone who makes her cry, but now he couldn't make the cause for her tears out and therefore he couldn't kill someone for them.  
Lilly has again showed no emotions therefore he took hold of her waist.

Now, she looked at him with surprised features.  
"Scotty what are you doing her?" She asked him with the same sense surprise in her tone.  
"I could ask you the same, especially when you were nothing like a nightgown." He replied smiling.  
"I couldn't sleep."  
"Me, too" lied he. "Don't you want to leave this rail?"  
"No, it's nice here… The water looks beautiful, doesn't it?"

Scotty was certain that she wasn't herself; it was more or less as though he talked to a little version of Lilly.

"It certainly is, but it's freezing here and we don't want you to catch a cold, do we?"

Lilly nodded and Scotty helped her from the rail. She must've been sit there for quite a while because her legs were shuddering and she wasn't really able to stand by herself.  
"I'll take you home." He ordered and helped her to the car.

When they had reached her home Lilly has fallen asleep. She did really look like an angel. He sat there for a few minutes just watching her, but then recognized where he was.

Scotty got her out of his car carefully and carried the fragile figure into her apartment and than headed to the bedroom where she woke up when he lay her down at her bed.

"Thank you" she mouthed.  
"Sleep well" answered he and wanted to leave the room as she interrupted him.  
"Please, don't leave me alone, Scotty." Requested she half asleep.  
"I'll sleep on the couch" answered he, but she only shacked her head.  
"Not so far away. Can't you stay here? My bed is big enough for both of us."

Scotty wanted to share a bed with her, but not under those circumstances – when she acted out of her character like now. He didn't knew how she'd react when she woke up therefore he seated himself in a rather comfortable chair next to her bed.

Lilly has almost fallen asleep again when she opened her mouth once more.  
"Don't tell Stillman about this!"  
"I won't" promised he and watched her sleeping until he fall asleep himself.


	8. Chapter 8: Digging in the Dirt

I'm really sorry for not writing for such a long time.There were just no ideas on my mind. And Ialso apologize for this horrible update. It really ischeesy.  
Nevertheless, I'd apreciate a lot of constructive reviews.

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Digging in the Dirt**

_I'm digging in the dirt  
Stay with me I need support  
I'm digging in the dirt  
To find the places I got hurt  
To open up the places I got hurt  
__(Peter Gabriel)_

Lilly woke up about seven, feeling a strange, but wonderful touch on her skin. When she carefully opened her eyes she got a view of the reason for that emotion. There lay her partner with his head on her pillow while the other half of his body still sat on the chair next to her bed.

Her head lay at the height of his chest, so that she was able to feel him breathing, but the warm contact she enjoyed the most came from his hand which was holding her hand protectively.  
She found that quite odd and girlish, but somehow she really liked it. At high school, she had often watched all those couples holding hands with a critical, almost cynical, but also a little jealous expression because she had never experienced this feeling, not for she had never had a boyfriend, but for her not being able to be that close to someone that way.

Holding hands has always meant a lot to her. It meant that you really know each other, love each other and take each other serious. In her whole life Lilly has seen so many men come and go due to her mother's numerous marriages, but she has never seen that closeness in the relationships of her mother. She was pretty sure that all her mother and her several husbands were thinking about have been sex.

Lilly looked at Scotty with some kind of thankful expression on her face and for some reason she hoped that that moment would last only a little longer, but she was disappointed when the alarm of her clock started.  
Scotty moaned a bit angrily. Lilly couldn't help smiling. Scotty reminded her of her cats that way.

"Hey, you laughing at me?" he asked while yawning, but was happy to see her beautiful smile again and he was also happy that she hadn't killed him for lying in her bed.  
"Only a little" she replied with a now shyer smile on her lips and looked in his eyes.

Scotty was lost in her deep blue eyes, which were able to tell an amount of stories, and in her smile. She was such an adorable woman. So pretty, so smart – again, he was just fascinated.  
She seemed to be more or less happy again and was proud that this happiness was probably his fault.

Lilly just forgot the last months during that very moment with Scotty. She experienced the warmth of his being and, somehow, her inner self became a little warmer as well.  
Deep in thoughts Lilly mouthed a small "Thanks".

Scotty didn't need more. He didn't want to talk about the issue, at least, until she started talking. At this moment he was so close to her, he'd probably never be so close to her again. Besides, his instinct told him that she would build up her walls again if he talked about it, now.

Lilly was kind of embarrassed. She just didn't know what to do. She really enjoyed this, but she wasn't really able to define what she was feeling. But was a definition her real wish? She didn't want to feel all that emotions that make her so happy inside. He'd never stand by her if he knew her entire being, if he really knew her. Besides, those feelings would never be felt by Scotty as well. He decided that he wanted Christina, not her, even though she would have helped him. The entire time she had been available, but he hadn't wanted her.  
When Christina had told her that she had a relationship with Scotty it has broken her heart. She hasn't known that she wanted to be with Scotty. Sometimes she had had that impression that she had a crush on Scotty, but she always thought it was just because she was lonely.  
This feeling made her weak, made her unable to control herself. She didn't want that.

"I think, we're supposed to show up at the department." Lilly said and left the bed.

Scotty noticed that she suddenly tried to avoid every possible eye contact, but wasn't able to find her reason for behaving that way. She had built her walls again.

* * *

An hour later, Scotty parked his car at the parking lot of the PPD, when Lilly started to break the silence.

"And what shall we tell them?"  
"Perhaps… we tell them the stuff they want to hear" he answered after a short moment of thinking.  
Lilly shot him an unbelieving glance.  
"C'mon Lil, we tell them we spent the night together. We'll avoid suspicion."  
"Are you serious? What about a story that my car has a check and you took me for the right?"  
"I suppose they won't believe it, but we can try"

Lilly nodded and Scotty left the car to open the door for Lilly.

* * *

When they entered the department a furious Mrs Collins ran to them.

"You're late. I waited for half an hour… If you have some affair with each other that's not my problem, but if you neglect my daughter's case…"  
"I'm really sorry for being late, Mrs Collins, but please sit down at my desk and I'll try to answer your questions." Lilly tried to calm Mrs Collins down who murmured some sentences they weren't able to understand and went to Lilly's bureau.

"There you have your suspicion, Lil."

Lilly sat down at her chair and Scotty took a seat on Lilly's desk.

"So, what can we do for you, Mrs Collins?" Lilly asked.  
"I know you visited Dr. Franklin, but I hope you don't believe any word that he said. He's a liar. When Hope became pregnant he told me that Hope said something about a Frank who was supposed to be Gwen's father. But he definitely wasn't. Frank was my husband at that time and he never touched my little angel. Never!"


	9. Chapter 9: My Girl

**A/N:** Finally I've finished my next chapter. I hope my writer's block is gone now and you don#t think it's too cheesy. This definitely is a weak chapter. I hope you'll review!

* * *

**Chapter Nine: My Girl**

_I got sunshine  
On a cloudy day  
when it's cold outside  
i got the month of May  
i guess you say  
what can make me feel this way  
my girl  
__(The Tempations)_

Lilly looked at Scotty. It was unbelievable. He had the same look on his face that she felt on her mind. Mrs Collins had just relieved them of a lot of paperwork.  
After Mrs Collins had left the department they just had to search for Frank Collins address instead of looking through all the files of Hope's case.

"Have a match" Lilly smirked.  
Scotty came over to her desk and read the information on her desktop standing behind her.  
"It seems as though the guy was never divorced of Mrs Collins even though he lives with his first wife Andrea again… and he still lives in Philly!" she informed him.  
"Sounds as though we are able to visit him before lunch." Scotty noticed and took the keys out of his pocket.  
"We'll take my car."

Vera who has watched the scene could not help adding a comment.  
"Rumour has it you two aren't able to take another car apart from Scotty's…!"  
"You know, mine wouldn't start this morning so I phoned Scotty…"  
"…because your house is on his way? C'mon Rush…"  
"Actually, he just doesn't spread that much rumour as you." Lilly grinned and turned at her heels to join the smirking Scotty on the way to his car.

* * *

Frank Collins lived in a small apartment half an hour from the department. But although it was small it was comfortable, warm and clean.

Lilly and Scotty sat in the living-room and waited for Frank Collins while Mrs Andrea Meyer-Collins offered them some tea.  
"Frank will be here in a minute. He phones with our daughter Delia, she's a psychiatrist in Florida." The elderly woman explained. She was a little plump woman, in her mid-fifties and seemed to be the perfect housewife with her string of pearls, a light purple costume and the grey hair combed into a perfect bun. Moreover, she seemed to be a very kind and loving person.

"Do you two want some cookies?"  
"No, thank you, Mrs Meyer-Collins" Lilly answered.  
"Oh, but I want some:" Scotty replied and took one of the offered cookies that were still warm.  
Andrea Meyer-Collins shot a caring glare at Lilly.  
"Just call me Andrea! But are you sure? I think you should eat some Detective. I suppose, you don't get enough food. You are so slim and pale, almost a little sick. I guess, you have to much stress, don't you?"

Lilly didn't have to answer because a small and slender man who introduced himself as Frank Collins came in and interrupted his wife.

"I apologize for taking your time, Detective."  
He seated himself on the other side of the desk Lilly and Scotty were sitting.  
"So, you are working Hope's case again?" he asked while Andrea gave him some tea.  
"Yes, we are. I assume you can answer us some questions?" Scotty said.  
"I don't know. When Hope was murdered Alice and I weren't in the relationship anymore. I broke up when Hope's daughter, Gwen, was about a month… Alice were not in control of her daughter and she wasn't even able to see that Hope wasn't that little angle of hers."  
"What do you mean?" Lilly questioned.  
"Hope did what she wanted to do! She took everything without thinking of it or thinking of someone else than her ego. She often left her house in the middle of the night and met some high-school guys. She even met Delia's boyfriend."  
"You mean Oliver Green was your daughter's boyfriend?"  
"Indeed, they have been together for two years before Hope came. Delia was invited to a friend's party and took Hope with her. Delia thought Hope would probably be happier if she met some older people she could look up to… but Delia became sick and left the party earlier and with that Hope alone at the party. Hope took advantage of the situation and… I guess, you can paint your picture of it."  
"I suppose we can." Lilly replied with bitter thoughts of Christina and Patrick.  
"But that wasn't why you broke up with Alice?" Scotty took another cookie from the plate in front of him.  
"No, I thought that this was just some teenager problem, not mine. But Hope stole money and was always away. Alice and I had to take care of the baby and Hope was just irresponsible. I thought that Alice would talk to her daughter, but she didn't. We argued way to often because of a child that wasn't mine…"  
"So your relationship with Hope wasn't the best."  
"Definitely. We didn't like each other, but we tried to get along as much as possible and ignored each other if it was necessary."

* * *

Half an Hour later Scotty and Lilly were back at the department and told the other detectives what they got to know. Both of them were pretty sure that Frank Collins had nothing to do with, but knew that they had to talk to Delia.

"So, I thought Lil and I could go to see her at the weekend…" Scotty began.  
"Hey, and what is with good Will and Me?" Vera insisted. "We want some sun either."

Lilly grinned a little at Vera's try to go to Florida, but still looked awfully pale, Scotty noticed quite concerned.

"Sorry, but you aren't able to go. We don't have that much money…" Stillman claimed.  
"… But it would be a whole lot cheaper if only Will and I would go there, Boss. You know, Lil needs an extra room Will and I can share one." Vera attempted.  
"It's Lil's case, Nick, she has to go there. No further discussions"

With that the group was dismissed. Vera looked most disappointed and went out of the room mumbling something at Lilly.

"It's always like that with you gals, you know. You take all the fun. It's fun being the lone female detective in the department. It's always your case, your group, your vacation… I should probably start a career as a woman… Nicky… Then I'd go to Florida either…"  
"He doesn't mean it like that. You know, Lil, he still likes you." Will whispered to Lil as the three of them left the office.

Scotty stayed at the office to talk a word to Stillman alone.

"Thanks Boss. She really needs another place. But if it's too much money she can go to Florida alone."  
Stillman shook his head. "No, you have to look after her. She always seems to be somewhere else. Take a day off."  
"I guess, she needs to see a doctor. She tries to pretend to be the same, that this incident hasn't done anything to her."  
"It wouldn't have any effect 'cause she doesn't want to see a doctor. I order your tickets and you'll stay there until Sunday and the hotel rooms and you take Lil home so that she can get her things and you get yours at your place after that."

* * *

Two hours later Scotty sat next to Lilly on the plane. She was pretty quiet and hadn't said more than fifteen words. She looked exhausted and tired.  
Even though she has had more sleep last night she felt weak, but didn't want to sleep in front of Scotty, not again. Somehow, she felt embarrassed, thinking of him watching her sleeping. She looked out of the little window and saw all these wonderful clouds. They looked so warm as though you could lay in them to sleep. The sun was reflected by the clouds and it seemed as though they were little mountains.

After an hour of their flight Scotty felt how a head fell on his shoulder. He turned his head a little to see her and felt the soft of her hair at his chin. She looked so beautiful, like an angel. She was still pale, she always was, but she didn't look so scared anymore, she seemed to be calm and satisfied like that. Scotty smiled at her and put a strand of her hair away from her face.

With that a Stewardess came to offer them something.  
"Is everything right Mr Valens. Do you or Mrs Valens want to drink something?" asked she.  
Scotty just nodded his head and formed a little "No" because he didn't want to wake Lilly. Usually he would have corrected the Stewardess and would have said that she wasn't Mrs Valens for he thought that she wouldn't like this that much, but for this moment she was his. Just for this few moments she was his Mrs Lilly Valens.


	10. Chapter 10: Kiss from a Rose

**Chapter Ten: Kiss From A Rose**

_I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.  
Ooh,  
The more I get of you,  
Stranger it feels, yeah.  
And now that your rose is in bloom.  
A light hits the gloom on the grey.  
(Kiss from a Rose – Seal)_

_

* * *

_

When Lilly and Scotty arrived at their hotel, Lilly was stressed. She was tired and annoyed because of this Stewardess who had called her "Mrs Valens". Why do people always suggest that you are married to the person you are travelling with. And she had the slight feeling that Scotty would have not corrected the girl just because of his ego.  
The flight has been rather pleasant even though Lilly couldn't recall the half of it for she had slept most of the time. Against all odds, she was still exhausted and had the wish to sleep for the next few days. At least she wasn't forced to share a room with Scotty who was abominable happy and adventurous.

"C'mon Lil! You don't see the sea in Philly. Don't you want to go for a walk at the beach? You don't visit Florida that often." He repeated for the apparently hundredth time.  
"Scotty, we are supposed to work here. Not to enjoy our time. We are paid for doing our job not for things you can do on your holidays" she claimed.  
"Stillman wouldn't care, Lil. He said that we are supposed to stay until Sunday. And we can meet Gwen not before tomorrow. We could head for Disneyworld in that time…"  
"Do you honestly think I'd visit Disneyworld?"  
"Someday, probably. I just want you to go to the beach with me. It would do some good for you. The fresh air, the water, the sun and, most of all, this guy here" Scotty pointed at himself saying this. "Do me this favor and I'll leave you to your bed straight away.

Lilly had to laugh and nodded hesitantly. He was acting like a child, not like the Scotty she knew and she hated at times, thinking of the past. She seemed to like this guy at least a little. This was a guy who had too much self-esteem, on the one hand, but knew how to make her laugh.  
"Okay, you won… this time. We'll meet in ten minutes." She said.  
Perhaps he was right and it wasn't a bad idea to feel the warm wind around her freckled nose.

* * *

45 Minutes later, Scotty was walking at the beach with Lilly. Both of them walked barefoot trough the water.  
It wasn't like Scotty had wanted to see the beach by all means. He wanted to see Lilly at the beach by all means and he wanted to see her happy again.  
His stomach had gone nuts when Lilly laughed at his joke earlier and now she was smiling again. Due to the warm weather Lilly has been forced to change and now she wore a breezy, pink skirt and a light yellow shirt. She looked awesome. Just unlike the Lilly he knew from work. He noticed a few furtive looks from other men on _his_ Lilly, but was proud that she was walking near him so that people knew she was with him. Again, he became aware of how beautiful she was. She had a brilliant figure with long legs and nice curves.

When they had left the plan a few hours ago, Scotty would have never thought that this would happen in a near future. She was kind of angry when the Stewardess called them Mr and Mrs Valens and seemed to ignore him for some time, but someone seemed to like him at the moment, so that he was granted a few wishes.

Suddenly, Scotty was met by a splash of water. Expecting a little, brave child, he was quite surprised when he saw his partner bend down with a hand in the water that shot the same against his body.

"Hey sleepy bear…" Lilly began, but Scotty was faster.  
"How dare you, Lilly Rush?" He said playfully and tried to spray water at her as well, but she had already run away.  
"Catch me if you can!" she called happy like a child.

Scotty ran after her, both of them laughing. That has been a great idea. She hasn't been that happy since… Scotty couldn't remember her being that happy. He had never seen her so free and carefree. Furthermore, she was so breathtaking and perfect.

Scotty finally got near Lilly when she stumbled. "Got you" he screamed and jumped at her so that both of them fell on the ground. Now, they lay in the swallow water. Scotty half over Lilly. Both of them had to breathe hard and Scotty noticed that Lil's cheeks were blushed because of the strain from running. She was still giggling.

"Damn, you won" she said smiling one of her hundred watt smiles.

Scotty's abdomen seemed to explode. She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. She was shining like the sun directly in his heart. This was beating to a dangerous height. He melted away and at the same time he trembled insight his body. He couldn't remind himself of ever feeling these emotions that intense.

Scotty lifted his arm and touched his partner's neck with his hand. This gave him creeps and the hairs on his arms were standing straight ahead.

Lil stopped her laughing and watched Scotty full of expectation. He moved his face near her and saw Lilly closing her eyes when he did. He pursed his lips and moved them further to hers.


	11. Chapter 11: Brace Yourself

**A/N: **Had a mistake in the last Chapter. The are in Florida to visit Delia Collins, not Gwen. Have Fun with this chapter. And don't forget your reviews.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven****: Brace Yourself**

_And I'm on...  
And I'm on again  
Brace yourself  
With all that you have  
Enough, I'm in love again  
Brace yourself  
Yeah...  
(Howie Day)_

* * *

He was so near that she felt his breath on her neck. Lilly's heart was running away. She had to open her mouth because she thought she wouldn't be able to breathe with him that near. All inside of her were shaking. She felt a hand of his on her skin which seemed to burn under the touch. All of her body prickled pleasantly. And she loved this feeling. She wanted to hold it… to never let it go again.

But again… wasn't Scotty her partner? Those were feelings that weren't allowed. Feelings she just couldn't feel. Never again she could work with him when she let those feelings, those strong and wonderful emotions, win.

He was going to kiss her. In a few moments their lips would be connected in a kiss. Would it be passionate? Or just a quick and shy one? She longed to know it. She was longing for his lips. Oh god. She couldn't take it anymore. Lilly closed her eyes and pursed her lips. She wanted to feel his lips. His lips that were looking so inviting to her…

But… NO!

Lilly couldn't sad it anymore and rolled away from his body and – more important – his lips. "It's getting cold and we are all over with water. We have to head to the hotel before we get a cold" She said, now standing, and pretended not to have noticed what almost had happened.

Damnit. He was her partner. She couldn't forget her principles. She wasn't allowed to lose her mind that easily. She wasn't allowed to fall in love with him. But all the former events with George had made her weaker and lonely. She often wondered if this had never happened if she had a husband or a family.  
Yes, that was it. She just searched for someone that could take care of her. And Scotty was there when she needed love and that was why she had almost kissed him. Just her current state of mind. Nothing more. No more feelings involved.

Scotty was surprised by the happenings in the last minute. He had almost kissed Lilly. The wonderful Lilly Rush. The most beautiful woman in the world… and she had even seemed as though she had like it either, but then. She had avoided their feelings… He had made a fool of himself. Why was he always doing such stupid things? Had he really thought that this astonishing woman would kiss him? Him? He who was not worthy to kiss her. Not worthy to walk on the same ground she did walk on. Why did he do things like this all the time?

"Yeah, I guess you're right" he replied with a slightly disappointed voice, but still trying to play that nothing unusual had happened.

* * *

On the way back to the hotel no-one of them spoke a word. Every few minutes one of them started a sentence, but broke up because they didn't know what to say. One thing was clear to both of them though: They just wanted to forget what had taken place before.

Back at their rooms, Lil sat on her bed, wearing her bathrobe after having shower. She had her eyes closed and was deep in thoughts. She was thinking the events at the beach over and over again. She had known that she shouldn't go to the beach before. If she had just listened to her own feelings. Then, this all had never happened and she could talk to Scotty like she had done before. But if she didn't lie to herself, she really had enjoyed the happenings until… No, there hadn't really been a 'until'. She had liked his fingers on her skin – and thinking of it her heartbeat was again faster and she got this feeling that she could fly away, but melt at the same time. She had liked feeling his breath and watching in these deep, warm, brown pools of his eyes. These pools that seemed to show the whole truth of life. She had enjoyed… no, she had loved this all. Jus until she broke this all up.

Lilly was shocked because of her thoughts. What was she thinking or rather what was she feeling when she thought of her partner? Forbidden feelings. Did really happen what she supposed happened? Was she falling in love with Scotty, her partner?

She shuddered when she only thought the world love. Love… she wasn't sure if she ever in her life felt love. She sure had have Patrick, but had he loved her? And she had her one love before. She had found her love, once. But it didn't last long. It was the same with Kite. But all these have left her alone. She wasn't one for love. She surely wasn't…

No, she wasn't in love with her partner! Yes, she had felt something so intense she never had felt before, but… still… No, nor was she in love with her partner, neither was she falling in love. Lilly Rush was able to separate work and private life. At best she was having a crush. She was just having a crush on Scotty. That was the best explanation. And no-one could be mad at her because she had a crush. That was just naturally. After all Lilly had gone through; the incident with George and all her nightmares and her problems after that. And Scotty was there for her. He tried to help her all of the time.  
Why hadn't she thought of this earlier? This was just logical. A victim feels fascinated by her hero and has a crush on him. She had watched this pretty often in the interrogation room. She was just talking herself into believing she loved Scotty. Her feelings were almost non-existent.

She, Lilly Rush, hadn't changed. Never. She was just the same she had been before. With a non-existent crush that she could get rid of pretty soon. Nothing to worry about.

She heard a knocking at her door. "Yes?" she replied.  
"Lil, here's Scotty…" she heard his voice and felt herself flatter again. Calm down, Lil. Remember, you don't feel anything for him. She opened her door.  
"…I'm hungry. You like to grab a late dinner with me?" he asked.

Lil watched in the brown pools in front of her and almost got lost. You don't feel anything… "Hmm, haven't noticed I'm hungry until now. I'd like to."

She changed into jeans and t-shirt, even put some make-up on and then left her apartment to meet Scotty, her partner, her hero whom she didn't love.

Nevertheless, she couldn't help the butterflies in her stomach and her exploding heart.


End file.
